i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
