I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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