you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize