I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
