she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
