i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Found your dick twin last night
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
