my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
