I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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