She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
