I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
