You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
