I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
