in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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