Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
