She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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