I think I died a long time ago.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize