the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
