Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
