Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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