So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
