Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
