I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i drank out of a bidet.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
