I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
