it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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