My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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