Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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