His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just found a bag of teeth...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
