rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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