We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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