I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wish life had little blips of pornography
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
