haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
