Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Randomize
