I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
