i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
