ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
