Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
