garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
