so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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