Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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