i already hear my dad disowning me
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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