I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
