My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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