i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
