you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
