I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
