well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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