She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
