plz talk dirty to me
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize