Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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