My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
