For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
