cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
