I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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