Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They have beer where we have blood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
