He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
