That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
