she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
