I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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