The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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