who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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