Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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