Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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