capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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