im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
