We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
