I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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