you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
