wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize