After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
