theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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