I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
